For this summer's hottest events at The Kaynesport Dome
June 30 - The Jewelry Keepers
July 22 - M.A.T.S. (Mothers Against Teenage Shrugging) annual conference
July 29 - Mud-eating contest national tournament
August 4 - Beth & Rory Sing the Real Estate Pages
August 16 - Napkins On Ice
* What To Expect When You're Expecting A Sneeze - Janet Kremier
* Mayonnaise In The Rye - Morris Leonard
* Championship Prison Volleyball Teams - Chocolate House Publishing
* The Idiot's Guide To The Sidewalk - Editor: Jojo Vance
The Kerwin Daniels House
Upcoming meeting/event schedule May 23 - Women Named Linda, summer '12 kick off meeting. 7:00 p.m. in room 8 June 5 - F.L.A. (Fake Limper's Anonymous). 6:30 p.m. in room 5 June 9 - Record release party for the 25th anniversary release of Peggy Cliff's album I Saw Mommy Kissing Everyone. Auxiliary auditorium, 9:00 p.m. June 15 - What The Book? book club, summer meeting. Featuring discussion on several books, including A Child Called 'Pretzel' and The Idiot's Guide To Epilogues June 21 - How to open a can of peas, part 3 of 3, with Dr. Ben Lawson. 5:00 p.m. June 30 - July 1st Eve countdown, begins at 11:30 p.m. in the main auditorium
Kerwin Daniels House - 640 Derwood Lane, Kaynesport
The People Under Andrea Fleming's Stairs
On the agenda:
* Our field trip to Andrea's second grade cubby hole has been moved to June 28
* Copies of the new documentary film Andrea Brushes Her Teeth: 2/7/12 are now available for $10; please see Raul under stair 4.
* Who is driving Andrea's father-in-law Dale to his L.E.A. (Leaf Eater's Anonymous) meeting next Wednesday?
* To-go coffee does not go into customer's baseball caps
* Please stop accepting index cards with dollar amounts on them as currency
* A piece of Styrofoam sprinkled with cinnamon is not a dessert menu item.
"Putting the 'handy-man' back in 'handy-man for hire' since 2007"
* Pointing at pine cones
* Shouting insults at sidewalk cracks
* Folding chairs 101
* "Let's run over to that lady and try to bite off some of her hair"
* Fake limp identification
* Highway on-ramp calisthenics: dos and don'ts
* Lipstick eating contest judge
* "I swallowed two ash trays to win a bar bet: what do I do now?"
* A customer's shirt pocket is not an acceptable place for to-go food
* There's no such thing as a "wearing brown shoes tax"
* Please stop allowing the customers to fill up duffel bags with our ice and sell it in the parking lot
Salad Olympics Quarterly (January, 1997) What Time Is It? (July, 2001 - 4:30 and 7:25 double issue) Pointing At Mud (April, 1977) Illustrated History of the Frown - Volume 2 Air Saxophonist (November, 2007; February, 2008)
* A bag of melted ice cream sandwiches is not a campaign contribution
* You don't need to make a concession speech after every unpleasant trip to the bathroom
* Despite what former assistant campaign manager Carl Henley may have said, a victory parade will not run through the girl's locker room at Kaynesport High School
* Taking a small awning in to the shower with you
* Don't pressure wash your driveway with milk
* Get down from that chandelier
* You can't take salad tongs to a gun fight
* Wearing a dress shirt and suspenders into the pool
* Where does he think he's going?
* Pointing practice: dos and don'ts
* Don't put french fries in your tea
* 261,000 miles
* Several onion slices melted to the hood
* 1/2 grilled cheese sandwich somewhere in the trunk free with purchase
* Used in the filming of the reality TV show We're Living In The Above-Ground Pool!
* The sneeze guard is not meant to spark up competitions between you and the customers
* We do not accept salad from other buffet restaurants as currency
* The birthday song does not include the phrase 'ugly moron'