March 31, 2012

For sale

Reality TV on DVD


* Make Me Some Soup! - Season 2
* So You Think You Can Extract A Molar? - Final season
* What's That Smell?! - Season 3 (w/outtakes)
* Watch Me Eat Cat Litter - Complete series
* Who Won't Suffocate?! - Season 6


$6 each
Veronica 555-7661

March 29, 2012

Meetings

Wallace High School yearbook staff
Emergency meeting


* "Most pimples" will not be a senior superlative
* No matter how many photos they send, there is no such thing as the nipple piercing club


March 30, 3:30 p.m.

March 28, 2012

For sale

Drug store bill

* $8.93 owed
* I'm at Drugstop store #61, at register 3. The cashier's name is Annette. I'm in blue jeans and a red shirt, and I have bad poison ivy.
* Free drug store circular with purchase


$15
Bernard 555-5771

March 27, 2012

For sale

1/2 strawberry



* Red
* Interesting trades for grapes considered


$3
Gene 555-7112

March 26, 2012

Meetings

Flight 343 to Kaynesport
Row C meeting


April 4, 2:30 p.m. in front of the coffee shop near gate J

March 25, 2012

For sale

Designer shoes for sale

* Made of 45% leaves/mud
* 1 in 4 contains a live frog
* Must provide own feet


Call for pricing list
555-7291

March 24, 2012

For sale

Ice



* Clear
* Used in the documentary film Portrait of an Ice Cube Bootlegger


$.40 per cube
Deondre 555-2181

March 23, 2012

For rent

Pants

* Brown
* Only been worn a few dozen times
* Must provide own zipper/belt loops
* Free extra button with rental agreement


$7/half hour
Brent 555-7332

March 22, 2012

Meetings

Kaynesport Historical Society
Annual meeting

On the agenda:

* Archiving past charcoal-eating contests
* We still need drivers for next month's mashed potato ride through Puddinger Park
* Meet and greet with new society goldfish, Ivan
* 2012 membership fees can not be paid in egg noodles


April 2, 7:00 p.m. at the Molz Street headquarters building

March 21, 2012

Services

Need elevator buttons pushed?


Joe Maglio 555-9995

March 20, 2012

Public Service Announcement



Help prevent young french fries from turning to a life on the streets.

Call 555-5051 to find out how you can help

March 19, 2012

For sale

CD singles


* Look What I Found (the Wheelbarrow Blues) - Danny Day
* Stop! In the Name of that Pedestrian - Helen Carl
* Unhappy (Glued) Together - The Squirrels
* I Saw Mommy Kissing Robert's Mommy - Peggy Cliff


$3 each
Buck 555-4393

March 18, 2012

For sale

Watermelon




$2
Jennifer 555-7661

March 17, 2012

Meetings

Grizzlies 15-under AAU basketball
Team meeting


Items to discuss:

* Adding ankle hair pulling to our zone defense
* The following players are no longer allowed to shoot or dribble: Dre, Tyler, Keyshawn
* Throwing loaves of bread at the referee is not a proper response to a foul call


March 19, 5:00 p.m.

March 16, 2012

For sale

1/2 salami sandwich

* Piece of lettuce free with purchase


$2 or best offer
Sandy 555-3321


** Hurry, Calvin is interested **

March 15, 2012

Events

Upcoming eating contests at Germore County Fairgrounds


March 22 - Christmas tree ornaments
April 3 - Notebook paper
April 12 - Pizza box
April 21 - Ronald Caufield
May 2 - Easter baskets
May 30 - Door knob
June 8 - Past eating contest judges' hats


Call 555-6092 for tickets

March 14, 2012

For sale

Emissions bill

* $25 owed
* I'm at the emissions testing center in the Beefy's Fast Food Hut parking lot in downtown Kaynesport. I'm sitting in a blue station wagon, I'll have my hand out of the driver's side window and be snapping my fingers.
* Three old emissions certificates free with purchase (2002, 2008, 2010)
* Interesting trades for rear view mirrors considered


$30 or best offer
Cole 555-2281

March 13, 2012

Services

Handy man for hire

I can do a variety of odd jobs, including:

* Staircases 101
* Personal sneezer
* Don't settle for the wrong ice cube
* Ant calls
* Bandaid eating contest judge
* "Let's rush over to that elderly man and pull his hair"
* Homemade boats made out of old slippers: Q&A
* What is biting my foot?


Call for hourly rates
Steve 555-8818

March 12, 2012

For sale

Bumper stickers


"How's my Firewood Tossing? 555-6071"
"Miss Asparagus - Runner-up '03"
"My Child Spilled her Chocolate Milk at Plumptin Middle School"
"Miss Asparagus - 3rd Place '04"


$2 each
Tracy 555-6071

March 11, 2012

For sale

Chicken bone

















* Appeared in the reality TV show Are You Chubbier Than A Third Grader?
* Comes with one napkin


$3
Anthony  555-0223

March 10, 2012

Services

Need anything plugged in?


Joe Maglio 555-9995

March 9, 2012

Meetings

Sandy's Salad Buffet
Staff meeting

Items to discuss:

* The heads of lettuce in my pants joke at the hostess stand is no longer funny
* Please don't challenge the customers to crouton fights
* At the end of the birthday song we do not chant "pay your bill and get out, jerk"


March 10, 1:00 p.m.

March 8, 2012

For rent

Parking space

* Located in my driveway at 610 Horace Blvd., Kaynesport
* Wheelbarrow friendly
* Close proximity to the front lawn


$175/month
Myron 555-5239

March 7, 2012

For sale

Popcorn

















* About 20 pieces available *


Call for pricing list
Chuck  555-8334

March 6, 2012

For sale

2012 calendars

Wall

* The Girls of Pinecone Eater Magazine
* 12 Months of Colored Chalk (missing January: orange)

Desk

* Paper Football Fact-A-Day
* 365 Days Of Shampoo
* Salad Olympics Trivia


Call for pricing list
Kent 555-3223

March 5, 2012

Meetings

Paquito's Mexican Restaurant
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* Please stop accepting ice cubes as currency
* The birthday song does not include a topless scene
* Back of the house update: we now make our own ice


March 6, 11:00 a.m.

March 4, 2012

For rent

Lamp shade



* Must provide own lamp *


$4/hour
Randy 555-8651

March 3, 2012

For sale

Rainwater

It rained a lot last night, but don't worry, I kept a lot of it.

- Perfect for that special someone
- Puddle water also available


** Over 20 small buckets: choose the plan that's right for you **
Greg 555-9331

March 2, 2012

For sale

Used books


The Girl With The Hubcap Tattoo - Miles Arnold
A Child Called "Minestrone" - Gabby Bly
Idiot's Guide To The Park Bench - Chocolate House Publishing
I Saw Mommy Kissing Everyone: The Peggy Cliff Story - Peggy Cliff


$4 each
Beth 555-2918

March 1, 2012

Public Service Announcement



Say "no" to crop-on-crop crime


Call 555-1003 to find out how you can help