* Barry's surgery aftermath: auctioning off the old thumbs for charity * Who is available to drive Barry's grandfather, Calvin, to his Too Many Calvins meeting October 8? * For our field trip to Barry's mailbox, still need deposits from: K'eondrae, Vanessa and Paul
September 22, 3:00 p.m. at the Corcoran Baptist Church
* Why only in practice can we punt with a head of lettuce * Please, no more water gun fights on the sidelines during games * From league commissioner Dale Rudolph: the referees are not allowed to give piggy back rides down the field after completed passes * Mid-season awards:
- Weakest arm - Least attractive older sister - Helmet on backwards award - Worst hand-off
Emmit died doing what he loved: arguing with a squirrel on the roof. The founding member of the political activist group S.F.M. (Separation of Feathers & Milk) and protest group GO-FUMS (Get Out From Under My Sink), he also formed the air drumming trio Bologna Face in 1974 and the group played their final show at the 1981 Shovel at the Shore benefit to raise awareness of snow. Emmit is survived by a photograph of his goldfish, Marty. Funeral services are set for October 1 at 4:30 p.m., then it's off to Padre's for quarter beer night
* Are You Fatter Than Andy? - Complete Series
* Paper Boys: Denver
* We're Living on a School Bus! - Season 3
* The Real Bird's Nests of the Wexford Public Library - Final season
* Does Your Grandma Have To Be Here? - Season 7 (w/extended scenes)
"You will be approached by a hysterical pigeon" "A mayonnaise hose a day keeps Mrs. Reynolds away" "You have some chicken fried rice on your shirt" "A chance encounter with a shampoo bottle will bring you luck" "An unexpected unibrow will resurface" "The 15-minute ice cube fight your children just had was caught on camera. You will be billed for any water damage" "I hope you didn't order the chicken chow mein" "Your husband put one of the rice bowls in his jacket pocket. We saw him do it"
"Stop burying cabbage in my front lawn!" "Save the soup: help us keep the spoons out" "Guns don't kill people, drinking ear medicine kills people" "Blakeley High: give us back our math teacher!" "Stop the employment of illegal fire ant workers: close Roryland"
League of Randys fantasy football league Pre-draft meeting
On the agenda:
* We can no longer accept hot dog buns or chicken bones as part of the league fees * Randy McGee's real name is Randal McGahee, so we have an opening in the North Division * New league rule: trades can no longer involve real-life family members
* Fear of clothed goldfish * "The hood of my sweatshirt is laughing at me behind my back" * Bringing a hedge trimmer in the shower * Fear of opera-singing banana peels * The voices inside your slippers * Excessive dusting off * Roniphobia (the fear of losing your phobia in a plate of macaroni salad) * "I'm not a schizophrenic, but the canary living in my hair says you are"
* $6.19 due * I'm at Beefy's Fast Food Hut #93, in a white car, currently third from the window. I'll be snapping my fingers and pointing to the hood of the car. * As many as three salt packets free with purchase
* Let's talk seriously about changing the name of the band * We can't keep letting the audience members decide when the guitar solos end * The benefit concert to raise awareness of the sky has been moved to October 20
"You can't make a meatloaf without breaking some legs"
"I'll garnish my own catcher's mask, thank you very much"
"Wheelbarrow races make the heart grow fonder"
"Better to have loved a moth than to have never rubbed a shawl"
"You going to eat that refrigerator magnet?"
"A sneeze is a terrible thing to waste"
"You can't take a bottle opener to a gun fight"
"Don't bite the mailman who feeds your mailbox"
* Former cashier Harold Boggs' autographed sandpaper is now up for auction
* We no longer sell sandpaper sandwiches after last Thursday's spicy mustard incident
* The sandpaper sauna has been removed from the break room indefinitely