June 30, 2008

For sale


Age 6

Pincher/biter. Only eats microwaveble ravioli, sugar, sugar-water and microwaveable-sugared raviolis.

Make us an offer
Jake and Diane 555-1622

June 27, 2008

For rent

Hotel room
Penny Lodge Inn
Located right off Exit 7. Carpet is brown. Perfect for standing in, showering and making phone calls.

$39.95 a night

One pair of sideburns

$10 for one hour
Donovan 555-7144

June 26, 2008

For sale

Old newspapers

Qwernkr Ledger - July 8, 1988; March 14, 1997; December 1, 1983
Kaynesport Times - August 14, 2007; May 24, 2000
Murray Business Chronicle - April 20, 1999; September 7 and 8, 2004

All 8 for $25

Hurry, many interested
Chuck 555-9191


Age 4


Dana and Mitch 555-6636

June 23, 2008

Mug for sale


We've been through a lot together-4 or 5 Super Bowls; a couple New Years Eve parties. Can hold 44.7 ounces.

I want her to find a good home.

$1,540 or best offer

Bud 555-4447

June 22, 2008


Need an extra mailbox?

Joe Maglio 555-9995

June 19, 2008

For sale


Roast Beef Monthly (July, 2004; August, 2004)
Thin Tie Wearer (March, 1988; July, 1988; November, 1989)
Shampoo (August, 1977)

$3 each

Paul 555-8102

June 17, 2008

For sale

Potato chip bag collection

* Over 200 available
* Perfect for that special someone in your life

Gwen 555-6118

June 15, 2008

For sale

1989 Nissan Sentra

Has lived through three economic depressions (personal). 300,000 or so miles. Garlic smell in the back is permanent.

Pete 555-9120

June 13, 2008

Friday classifieds


1994 Chevrolet Cavalier
373,000 miles
* Comes with a bag of melted Skittles (glove compartment).

Andy 555-1035

June 12, 2008

For sale

VHS movies

The Tattletale, Mr. Ripley
Dude, Who Took my Snickers Bar?
Welding Crashers
The 40-year old, Virgil

Make me an offer
Stanley 555-0998

June 10, 2008

Mountain Dew for sale

Two 16-ounce bottles of Mountain Dew

* Both autographed by former Montreal Expos pitcher Floyd Youmans

$4 for both (or $2.75 each)

Very popular items

Trent box 20020

June 9, 2008

Paymont University


"It's beginning to look a lot like success"

With over 8,000 campuses nationwide, Paymont is a thinking-man's university. We fit into your schedule, literally, with The Traveling Professor program. And all Paymont students will catch "Falcin Feever" with our intercollegiate athletics programs (intercollegiate athletic programs, coming 2018).

But most importantly, Paymont has a whole closet full of determination. That's something you can't teach.

"When I first got here, I was like,
'what is that smell?' But I took some
classes and I met this cute guy, Steve.

-- Hillary Grunderson, Henrico, VA

"I graduated from Paymont with a degree
in Happleblonics; was at the top of my
class, was Valattatorial. But I went to
job interviews and people tell me they've
never heard of Paymont. I give them the
Falcin fight song, you know, I do the
Happy Squaker Dance, but it doesn't help
at all."

-- Pete Berns, East Tampa, FL

* Payment options available: cash, money order, IOU.
* All courses available online at our web site.

June 7, 2008

For sale


* Four slices

$2 each or $7 for all four
Garrison 555-8870

June 6, 2008


Pittville Barons semi-pro basketball

Tryouts: August 4 11:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m.

* Socks mandatory

1st practice: August 7

- Free throw shooting (blindfolded/wasp nest overhead)
- Scrimmage 7-on-4

Wadsworth Gym
Coach Ermit Denson [office] 555-8286

June 4, 2008

Child for sale

Age: 4

Curly red hair infested with chocolate frosting.

Make us an offer
Deb and Marty 555-8871

June 1, 2008

The Plan, Part 2

Remember part 1 of the plan? Forget it. This is part 2.

(Now would be a good time to stock up on plan fuel).

Have you ever had a plan?

Want a plan?

Well, this is the plan for you.

Our researchers and "scientists' have been planning this for months; it's literally going to knock your socks off! Plan on it.

All you need to do is plan to send $75 to:

165 Orkshore Road
Planville, PL