For sale

Two tickets to Celery Stalks On Ice

* Oatmeal pit
* Free wheelbarrow parking pass included
* Good for the March 1 matinee


$45 for the pair
Grant 555-8336

Home for rent

1/3 BR
0 BATH
1 OUTDOOR BATHTUB

* Rest of roof to be added April, 2012
* Grandpa Ned free with rental agreement
* Must provide own front door


$130/month
Chris & Amanda 555-4477

Meetings

Nudley's Laundromat
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* The customers are not allowed to take home their drier
* We do not have a drive-thru
* The squirrel that ran into washing machine 7 with Mrs. Shelton's whites did not survive the spin cycle


February 29, 12:00 p.m.

Public Service Announcement

This spring, have your dumpsters chained up.

Help us make a difference.

Announcements

The 1st annual Lettuce Toss has been scheduled for March 17!

* BYOL
* Part of the documentary Lettuce


For more information: email derwoodmorris@gmail.com

For sale

Reality TV shows on DVD


* Janitor Wives - Season 2
* Who Wants to Throw Lettuce at a Millionaire? - Season 1
* Get Me Out of the Trunk of this Car! - Complete series
* Drive Thru Confessional - Season 5
* Who Won't Get Kidnapped?! - Final season (w/outtakes)
* Dishwashing Detergent Drinking Contest: All-Stars
* Bowling Shoes Swap - Season 4


$5 each
Terry 555-3871

Personal Ads

MEN SEEKING WOMEN


Voted "best car" in high school yearbook (June, 1997).

Rick box 44691


Let's make a Me sandwich. You bring a girlfriend or two, I'll bring the giant hoagie roll.

Darryl box 71792


I'm stuck in the drier again.

Need a woman to get me out and then go back in there and help me find a clean pair of underwear.

* Will provide shovel *

Bruce box 88112


WOMEN SEEKING MEN


Have had a lot of relationships end in Sudd's Car Wash parking lots.

Looking for a man who doesn't work at Sudd's Car Wash.

Sandra box 73219


SBF, age 42. I'm told I chew in my sleep, but nothing has ever been proven.

Nadine box 20003


I have my ex-boyfriend's name tattooed on my chest. His name is Eric.

Looking for a man named Eric or Derick.

Tina box 62727


OTHER

Single, clear ice cube. Melting.

Gus box 76609

For rent

Slice of bread




$1/hour
Ben 555-4501

Meetings

Forehead
Band meeting


On the agenda:

* Nothing rhymes with "zucchini"
* Please put on your guitar strap/guitar after your shirt
* Replacing the live miracle water infomercial as our opening act
* We have too many songs about engine coolant


February 24, 2:00 p.m.

For rent

Comb



* Near-mint condition
* Used in the filming of the hit reality TV show Lice!
* Perfect for comb fights


$3/half hour
Betty 555-6001

For sale

Money clearance sale

* Plenty of $1 bills
* Just in: $10 bill
* Also available: dimes


Call for pricing list
Chip 555-1342

Missing

Banana peel



* Yellow
* Missing since Saturday
* Reward $$ offered


Jessica 555-3883

Meetings

Friends of Bob Rinkman
February meeting


Items to discuss:

* Bob's middle school grades: Q&A
* FBR Flashback, September 22, 2005: the accidental surprise party for Rob Binkmen
* Our field trip to Bob's neighbor Calvin's front lawn has been moved to May 6
* Bob no longer likes spinach


February 22, 1:30 p.m. at Catherine's apartment